A comment by blogger Amused1  in  VGR's blog on Kaavya  in which I was described as a Madrasi type made me think about which type I am. Since I spent my childhood in various military cantonments I have been made to defend many different types of types I was told I belong to. Given below are a few of them. Though this blog entry is written in a humourous vein, I must add that it is sad when one sees many simple souls who are traumatised because of their inability  to handle such  categorisations. It is also sad to see people condemning others for flimsy reasons. The worst victims of such categorisations are non-anglicised or non-westernised Indians from rural backgrounds. They are used to the support sysems of caste, community and joint family and are just not able to comprehend some of the below the belt comments directed at them. Anyway, here is a humourous take on the subject of 'types':

(1) Fauji Type: Thanks to the fact that my dad was in the Indian Army's Corps of Signals I was categorised as a fauji type throughout my student life. As a matter of fact even today when I am a 'bloody civilian' in my mid forties I am categorised as a fauji type by my civilian friends. Maybe the fact that I am a bachelor and am living with my parents in a commune of retired Defence officers contributes to it. I often get back handed compliments like "Oh you are so different from the normal army guy!" Ironically many of my fauji friends consider me a subversive anti-army type because unlike them I do not have to worry about my career graph and am not very diplomatic in my choice of words. (I must say I am not as bad as Tarun Tejpal of Tehelka who was also born in the Army). Oh yes, when one is in an inter services (Army , Air Force, Navy) crowd I get categorised as an Army type. And when I am in a purely army group I am categorised as a Signals type because my Dad was in the Corps of Signals. I could go on and on..... [ABCD could well  mean Army Born Confused Desi... :)))) ]

(2) South Indian type: Within the Army I am part of the South Indian sub-category. So I am a 'Southie' or a 'Tambi' (The Sikhs are 'Kaakeys' or 'Khalsas', the Gurkhas 'Kaanchas'.... the English who ruled us had taken normal terms of endearment like Tambi and Kaakey and Kaancha and converted them into something derogatory when used in the Army.) Even though I have never lived in South India I am expected to know everything about all the South Indian states. I am expected to know the meaning of Mutthukodi Kavadi Hara. (I hope I have got it right, apologies to the comedian Mahmood if I haven't; btw does anyone know what it means?). South Indians do not accept me as one but in Defence circles I become an ambassador of South India. I am supposed to be proficient in all the South Indian languages. I am supposed to be an expert in Carnatic music and Kathakali and Kuchipudi. I am also expected to know all the street names of Bangalore, Chennai, Hyderabad, Thiruvananthapuram and Cannanore. It is expected that every Sunday morning my mother must be making idli- dosa- vada- sambar for breakfast. People are surprised when I tell them I had stuffed parathas and dahi and achar.

While growing up I and my brothers would speak a mix of Hindi, English and Malayalam. Even today I speak to my brothers in Hindi and  to my parents in Malayalam. I remember my brother saying "Main tujhko chaku lekar kutoonga" (I will take a knife and stab you)  when he was a naughty four year old. I also remember saying things like "Jennel band kar dey" (Close the window) to friends who did not know that jennel was malayalam for window.

 Till the Indian Army fought the LTTE it was also expected that I do not know how to fight because the South Indians are over-civilized and over-educated. The South Indians, Parsis and Bengalis are supposed to be bad at fighting, though they make good generals like Krishnaswami Sundarji, Sam Maneckshaw or Shankar Roy Choudhary. All South Indians are Iyengars or Iyers. Nairs and Menons and  Reddys and Raos and Murthys are all one thing and the same thing ji. All communities in the Defence services suffer this branding and stereotyping . Some of it is really immature stuff, the kind that  I have just not seen on civvy street. Goes to show what people can do if they have free time.

I was a South Indian type (Madrassi) to most civilian brethren in North India too but for them I was more of a fauji and less of a South Indian (they were right there). I was happy with them as long as they didn't ask me to ask my Dad to get them whisky from the Army Canteen at concessional rates!

(3) Outsider type: In Shillong I was an outsider type or plains type because I wasn't from the hills of the North East. I was often mistaken for a Bengali and I belonged to the category of Dakars (outsiders). If I told someone I was from Kerala they would ask me whether I was a Roman Catholic or a Syrian Christian. Thanks to the missionaries many tribals there didn't know that Kerala had Hindus too. Of course I was also a fauji type.

I must add that inspite of the fact that the Indian Army was engaged in counter-insurgency operations against the Naga, Mizo and Manipuri rebel groups my class mates who belonged to these states were as friendly towards me as  they were towards others who did not come from Defence backgrounds. As a matter of fact I remember that on one occassion one of my father's colleagues had asked me many questions about the tribal students from these states. "I cannot get this viewpoint from anyone other than a student," he had told me.  I still remember their cheerfulness, love of music, fantastic dress sense and physical and mental toughness. And it is sad to see  the condescension with which the tribals of the North East are treated when they come to the plains.

 In the anglicised environs of St. Edmunds College where I did my junior college I was also a Hindi type esp. to those who did their schooling from St. Edmunds School. This was because I and my friends, who were mostly  from Central School Shillong, would converse in Hindi even though our English wasn't all that bad. Getting a prize in the English debate did help in convincing people of my multilingual skills.

(4) Mallu type: It is not that I want to deny my Malayali roots, but I definitely do not want to be categorised as one who has seen nothing except Kerala. In my case it has been everything except Kerala. The Mallu label would never stick for long. "You are too westernised", "Your accent is very neutral," "Your outlook is very cosmopolitan," such reasons were proferred when the Mallu label failed to stick. My ability to speak fluent Hindi, complete with cuss words and also high sounding Sanskrit words plus a little knowledge of dialects like Malwi and Rajasthani made it even more difficult to call me a Mallu. The best was when I used cuss words in Punjabi (Teri .....) At that time my friends would say Arrey yaar tu to kuchch zyada hi hai.  And if asked to spell Malayalam I wouldn't say things like Yem, Yay, Yell.....

(5) Kerala type: When non Keralite South Indians categorised me as such it was very difficult. I was expected to fight for Kerala within a South Indian arena. I was expected to be up to date on Kerala vs. Tamil Nadu and Kerala vs. Karnataka issues. Something like Punjab vs. Haryana. Just couldn't do it. Having lived all my life away from South India I hated the sub-categorisations. Still do.

(6) Nair Type: When I am in a group of Keralites I am supposed to be a Nair type. I often find it too offensive as I am expected to defend and fight for my caste and clan. Plus try to explain why Nair women had so much freedom in the matrilineal system. Sorry folks. No time, no energy, no predilection.

(7) Travancore/Allepey type: When I am with Keralites, and most of them are not from the Southern part of Kerala then I become an Allepey type or a Travancore type. Again it is an embarassment as I am supposed to defend the part of Kerala I belong to alongwith its accent and idiosyncracies. Sorry folks, can't do that either. (Blogger DWKK calls me a Malabarbarian, am sure that the Malabar types would be offended...) I remember a visit to Palghat (Palakkad some years ago. I ask some youngsters to help me reach an address. I speak to them in Malayalam. They ask me where I am from. I say I am from Allepey. They say that they can't believe it. I say I am from an Army famly settled in North India. They say that thats what they had thought. That my Malayalam had too much of a Hindi accent in it. It can be funny when I stand at a bus stop and ask someone in Malayalam, "Sir, can you please tell me what that sign in Malayalam says?" Deep down I feel sad that I cannot read and write in my mother-tongue. But then this is supposed to be a light hearted blog.

(8) Indian type: When I am in a group of  people of mixed nationalities.The questions reveal what the others think of India. A lot here depends on which part of the world they come from. The questions range from knowledgeable ones to those which reveal ignorance. Those which reveal some bias or stereotyping are the most offensive. Some that I remember are "Why do you Indians  mistreat women?" (Though I plead guilty here to you dear Bharatiya blogger I do not take the discussion forward if I feel that the question was asked mischievously.)
 "How often do you go to the Golden Temple?" (Would love to go, never got the chance) ,
"Did you take any dowry?" ,
"Why do Hindus hate Muslims?" (Hate that one, but I do not hear it anymore in the post 9/11 world) ,
"Oh, you are not in software"  (I used to be but I won't tell you that),
"Do you know any other game besides cricket?", (Lol, that one makes me laugh, most of us are really obsesssed with cricket are we not?)
"Have you met Amitabh Bachchan?" (Not yet, I have heard he is dying to meet me!)
"Why do Indians like fair skinned women?" ( I, at least,  like all women, irrespective of their complexion)
I also remember a Nigerian student telling me (this was in the late seventies) "When I came to India the first thing I did was to go to a park and check whether any young couples were singing songs" .....

A couple of years ago I shaved off my Van Dyke beard. I was told that  I resemble a popular ghazal singer. I remember an incident which happened then.  I was walking by the side of a road. A  young man was going on a motorbike in the opposite direction. He stopped, turned and came to me, "Excuse me, are you Mr. Hariharan, the ghazal singer?" "No," I said with a smile "I am Vasudevan."  "Ah," he replied as if that explained it all, "I knew you are a South Indian!!!" Couldn't argue with him on that, could I?

When I went to MP from Delhi I was expected to defend Delhi. When I went to Rajasthan from MP I had to defend MP. No prizes for guessing what I was expected to do when I went from Rajasthan to Meghalaya. And then again when I shifted from Meghalaya to MP. Sala thak gaya.

I will keep adding more incidents as I remember them. In the meantime keep the brickbats coming in ..... Maro saaley Madrasi/fauji/Mallu ko...